Once upon a time,
Friday afternoon 4:08pm: Manager is jamming to meet a 5pm client deadline when she hears a familiar voice in the doorway behind her. "Do you have a minute? We really need to talk." She looks up, thinking "No! not now, please not now!" She turns around. Her talented, highly esteemed Colleague appears somewhat distraught. She smiles, hoping it isn't really a life or death communication, and says "Well I'm working on an important client deadline due at 5 o'clock. How critical is it? Do I need to drop everything?" Their eyes lock for a "let's get real" moment. "Perhaps not," Colleague replies, "but something has to be done about Mary Tarry. She's a terrible communicator and I just can't take it anymore!" He begins to tell her his story. He is frustrated but there is nothing huge at stake. Manager is silent, just listening. After several minutes, Colleague says, "Look, if you can't talk right now, can we meet first thing in the morning?" Not liking the options, Manager replies, "I can see this is bugging you but tomorrow is Saturday and I have a family day planned. How about Monday at 9am?" He responds "OK, I guess that'll work. I just can't work with Mary like this..." (he begins to repeat what he's already told her.) "OK," she gently interrupts, "let's talk Monday. If it's OK with you, I really need to focus on this deadline right now. Thanks so much."
With 10 minutes gone, and 10 more disappearing right after it while she tries to regain her concentration, Manager realizes that she just picked up the tab for this "gotta minute?"
Monday morning 8:50am: "Good morning!" Manager's now smiling Colleague pops his head in the doorway and says, "Hey, we don't have to meet at 9." "Really?" She asks, "How come?" Still grinning, he tells her, "Well, Mary and I spoke over the weekend. We talked it all out...we're good! Sorry about Friday." He turns and seems to practically skip away.
Sound familiar? Now what's interesting is that the people in meltdown here are not immature junior team members. Both are talented business professionals who create tremendous value for the organization. Their interaction caused a reaction and a Colleague who needed to blow off some steam. And he chose to download on Manager.
"Gotta minutes?" can be destructive. If they happen a lot, it stunts growth. The scary thing is that most of us hate it when we're interrupted and yet too often we temporarily disable people around us by launching our own "gotta minute?" when we get emotionally derailed.
There is a solution. It's Anti-Drama Tool #1, The Power of Reflection...a sort of 24-hour, self-induced, grown-up time out.
Here's how it works...
Everyone experiences things they feel are "unfair" from time to time...situations that create personal frustration, emotional hurt, or anger. By using the "Power of Reflection" we agree—individually and collectively— that when this happens we will step back and give ourselves 24 hours (or maybe more) to get past the emotion before discussing the situation with anyone.
I've learned that when I get blindsided by something that seems unfair, to ask myself how I will feel about it 3 weeks into the future. Most of the time the answer is "I'll probably be over it." So the key is to fast forward to that state as quickly as possible.
It's amazing what a change of scenery, breath of fresh air and a good night's sleep can do for one's perspective. Reflection doesn't always make everyone get along but it certainly minimizes relational damage while we figure out how we are going to move on.
The "Power of Reflection" is a drama-busting, productivity-building, super power. Share it with a friend, prospect or client...it's truly a gift.
Lynne Wallace is the CEO and president of VANTREO Insurance Brokerage and co-founder of NDOI, the National Directory of Insurance.
